no color, no pictures

[written 03/17/05]

no, nothing interesting to see here right now, keep moving, folks.

there’s a definite method to my madness when it comes to the all-too-familiar major procrastination before a final paper is due. (how major? 16 pages minimum due in 18 hours. zero done so far. ah. let’s let that sink in for a moment. .. yup.)

so. first, i determine i need an empty canvas to create so i clean, both myself and my environment.

next, thinking i need to feel relaxed and not stressed, i read silly books and leaf through magazines (in this case, searching for the best prettiest greatest pattern of all time for my next starteritis-crushing project).

then, i decide a ‘power nap’ is a good idea to get really ready for the surge of creativity on which i will soon embark. i toss and turn and feel guilty the whole time.

finally, i just sit on my couch or sprawl on my bed staring into nothing, moodily nodding now and then and feeling like i’m being lectured to even though my mother and other authority figures are far away.

of course, while this whole pattern plays itself out, i am short-tempered with my cats, neurotic with my friends, and a giant shirker of job responsibilities.

although after all this, i usually do write the papers, every once in a while i just can’t get it together and i simply do not turn anything in. thus, i got my first D in 5th grade science, i almost failed ceramics in 12th grade and as a consequence almost didn’t graduate, and, most dramatically, i didn’t know for sure i was going to graduate from college until three days before graduation day, with my parents and family friends already en route to see me on my big day.

i’ve been laying on my couch for an hour now, with both cats huddled on me wondering what’s wrong—any moment now, i’ll shake off this procrastination thing and i’ll open a new text document and my fingers will start flying… any moment now…

update: i caved. not only did i get the nature cotton, i also ordered three phildar mags i’ve been eyeing for weeks. also, for purely practical reasons (free shipping!) i ordered rowan’s vintage style. my credit card is wilting. ah well. at least i put my stereo up for sale a few days ago—that should pay for the phildar ..

another update to make myself feel better: i have 14 (albeit not-very-cohesive) pages, it’s 7 am and i have four more hours to get this thing done. ack ack ack.