2:52 a.m.

[written 09/11/07]

and i can’t get back to sleep. i came back, from a day at the paper studio, around 8, made some dinner (i.e. heated up frozen pizza while eating previously-addicting-now-a-tad-nauseating [i hate it when that happens] honey mustard pretzel bits), and then collapsed asleep a few minutes later. woke up with one arm above my head still asleep, and a steady rain on the skylights reminding me that i had some household chores to attend to, including feeding the various animals. finished that, got in bed, and still no sleep. i have that george harrison song in my head, what is life, as it has been for days now off-and-on.

i’ve been working at least six days out of every seven for the past two weeks, eight hour shifts at a time, besides entertaining guests, spending time with siblings and their families, and trying to not entirely ignore my sweet cats or have my room overtaken by dust bunnies (a battle i’m losing). i definitely overbooked and i still have another week – this week – to go before my schedule clears up to a much more manageable level. i like to be busy, and it’s very satisfying to be making money again(!), but i don’t like to be this busy where, if i do have a moment to chat and talk with friends and loved ones, i feel like the most boring person in the world.

so. i found out my big plans for the weekend were canceled and i’m mostly relieved, which makes for a totally empty saturday and a largely empty sunday. ok, five hours of work on sunday, but i’ve come to realize there’s a big difference between a five-hour shift and an eight-hour one. i’m tempted to invite friends over or make plans with family, but i’m resisting my own silliness. my dad comes back on sunday night, so saturday’s my last and almost only day home alone. i’ve been largely happy while working – it’s good work, satisfying work, both at the paper place and the library gigs – but during my free time i’m often not, punctuated with little bits of laughter and excitement, as always, never fear. anyhow, i don’t know quite what that means – loneliness? habit? ..etcetc -, but i’m looking forward to some time to just chill out and sit in the sunshine.

i made a table the other day though. and today i made a crucial piece of equipment much more sturdy. and the other day i helped a boy find some much-needed videos on the minoans and carthaginans. and over the weeks i’ve helped a good hanful of people learn some basic internet-use skills. and, also at the library, i talked to a little girl who charmingly explained that she wasn’t allowed to talk to strangers unless her dad was present and as she could just see the top of his head as he browsed the dvd stacks, it was quite o.k. to talk to me. there’s a lot to be said for having two great jobs that make you feel proud to be there. thank goodness.

lastly, for those still wondering, yes it’s linen and yes it’s a papermaking project. go merna for being the first to guess correctly! ;)

hoping you have a good tuesday..

update: .. which i know i’ll have as i found out my shift today was canceled. or never placed, more precisely. but i don’t care, hooray hooray!

update again: the shift was replaced with a five hour one. noo problemo. still leaves me time to get some things done (including the vet, a post office run, and some major vacuuming) as well as chill out and relax, though not in the sun as it’s a rainy day here in maryland.