toes

[written 10/09/08]

i took ballet lessons when i was a little girl, just fun lessons where we’d wear tutus and jump over our shoes. (though i remember i hated how my mom had to put my hair up in a tight bun for every class. she’d comb and pull and pin and fuss with my hair, and i was just a wild hair girl even back then, and wanted it all Left. Alone. thankyouverymuch.) one class we were all sitting on our knees, and the teacher, mrs. cox, said, “oh you girls are all sooo lucky, you’re at your most flexible right now and see? i can’t even sit on my knees without it hurting.” i remember feeling sorry for old people (ha, she was like in her mid-forties, max) and generally smug about being young and new. then she had us sit and reach for our toes and all the little girls in the class – including my best friend jennie – reached .. and touched their toes, some even grabbing their feet and laying their heads on their knees. me? my ankles were as close as i could get, with my head barely bowed and frustratingly far away from my knees. i was embarrassed and kinda shocked, but that was just the beginning of a long line of me thinking ach, athleticism is just not for me.

it’s been a really tough ten weeks – with little bits of much happiness, like luci’s wedding (!) – including, especially, our outdoor house cat of eleven+ years, skippy dying all of a sudden, of what no one could tell me, and all while i was here home alone and had to bury her and then was asked to unbury her by the health dept, oh i don’t even want to get into how low people can be – …. but one little lining that’s almost silver has been the new routine of trying to move and stretch my body a little every day. and now:

and because i couldn’t help it, some cat pictures. mamacat staring at me, then the cat food, that sly girl. and trouble, my thinker, makes me sigh with love. i just want to sleep for days with them hugging the sides of me.

fall is almost here in maryland ~ the crisp night air is becoming chilly, not welcoming from the heat. i don’t mind, bring on the fall.