a mix of things on my mind lately

[written 04/25/09]

hi there ~

sometimes i worry that i’ll stay in maryland forever, surrounded by my siblings and their growing families. i never intended that. this was only supposed to be a months-long family visit – a reconnection with family, a space to think and plan my dreams – .. and now i find myself two year later, with roots firmly dug in: a job i love, a garden and orchard i’ve spent countless days planning and dreaming and working on, nieces and nephews that expect their happy aunt to always be around, and so on. and of course part of me loves that and wants that. but oh, a much much bigger part wants so much more. it’s hard because i want so much. i want all of this and more. i don’t want to give up anything. but, in my good moments, i’ve decided the one big thing is: i have to really appreciate now, because before i know it, as usually happens, things change with no warning and i will think is, “oh! how good it was!” so. no lesson here to pass on, but just a little worrying and sadness and stuff i wanted to share.

also on my mind, i’ve been researching and reading a lot recently on palestine and israel. consistently, it seems there’s this block, where people feel like they shouldn’t dare criticize israel at the risk of being called anti-semitic, which is a powerful tool for a group to have, to put it mildly. nonetheless, i agree with this quote, made by the president of the middle east policy council who was also for a little while a few months ago the obama administration’s pick to head the national intelligence council:

“As long as the United States continues unconditionally to provide the subsidies and political protection that make the Israeli occupation and the high-handed and self-defeating policies it engenders possible, there is little, if any, reason to hope that anything resembling the former peace process can be resurrected. Israeli occupation and settlement of Arab lands is inherently violent.” (C. Freeman, link 1, 2)

the more i read, the more questions i have: before the december/january attacks on the gaza strip, hamas said it was open to a two-state settlement, with borders as defined pre-june 1967, and a long-term truce between palestine and israel – why isn’t that enough? 14 thousand homes were destroyed in two months in gaza – how is that acceptable? how are the illegal jewish settlements justified – and why do they keep growing? how does this bogusly-named “separation barrier” justify crossing the border so often onto palestinian land, taking even more land away? 150,000 people right now don’t have access to even tap water. on top of everything else they’ve had to deal with, can you imagine that? why does the u.s. not have a problem with israel having nuclear weapons? why does the u.s. give 3 billion dollars every year to israel under different terms than with any other country in the world?

so. i support palestine. i think the israeli occupation of palestinian lands is wrong. their treatment of and war on the palestinian people is wrong. and the u.s.‘s role in all this death and war and destruction makes me angry and ashamed. i will keep on researching and reading but i just wanted to say all this.

…in other news, my garden planning is going well. this weekend will be gorgeous, but it’s been very rainy and overcast this past week, so thank goodness for the greenhouse. i have tomatos, cucumbers, various herbs, including mugwort!, growing..

and yes, for those with sharp eyes, no jiffy pots for me. this year i thought i’d give soil blocking a try. so far so great. except i forgot to pot up the cucumbers quick enough, so there were lots of torn roots growing under the capillary mat i put all the blocks on. they seem to be fine nevertheless. now to finish tilling outside and getting the garden beds ready. lots of work but it’s very satisfying.

& lastly, see, there’s been knitting!


..this might not look like much, but every other row – the knitted lace row – takes at least fifteen minutes each, with constant back and forth looks at the pattern. once again, only for my sisters! sheesh. but it is lovely and i can’t wait to finish it,, though at this rate, it will be winter before it’s entirely done. and next weekend, wow, is maryland sheep & wool festival. for once, i’m not taking a class, but i’m still volunteering that friday, took work off and everything, and i can’t wait.

so that’s it, i think. i feel best in life when i’m working on and through a wide variety of interests and concerns and plans. lately, that’s more or less how i’ve been living, hooray. today’s post was a little snapshot of that life. thanks for reading as always. happy weekend ~ ~