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i can't believe it

it’s done. booked flights, moving container (a Relo-Cube, ack, what a name) contracted, cats added to flight list, family told. when? halloween, early afternoon.

my mom called this morning and my very-pregnant sister seems ready to pop, or rather the bouncing boy in her is rarin’ to bounce right out. he’s not due until the 25th, but at this rate, he’d be a nine pounder+ if they waited that long, as he’s already 6 lbs 15 oz. !

anyhow, the birth is looking more like the 2nd of november, at the latest. so, my dates have moved up a bit, just a few days but it feels so real all of a sudden. i keep saying that, as weeks have passed, and yet it continues to surprise, how more-real it feels each and every time i remember ‘oh, i’m moving!’. i feel like my heart’s going to explode and shrivel up at the same time. arghhh. the last two nights i’ve been tossing and turning, my jaw clenched when i wake. when i manage to toss it off, i.e. not let my thoughts wander over there in the least bit, then i’m fine and happy and excited for the world and my life and all that cheeriness.

but right now? deluge. unhappy, unhappy. i hear the voices of my nieces over the phone, and i get excited. i look around at my apartment, and i want to call the whole thing off. i keep going back and forth, like an inane yo-yo.

ok. breathe, right? breathe. .. i feel doom pounding in my ears, a far off bach melody getting louder and heavier as it approaches. not a good attitude. lose-lost, right? ..

warning: if i post at all in the next two weeks, there will be drama. lots of written sobbing. melodrama at the very least. i’m trying to do all this gracefully – this is something i chose after all and i believe this is a good thing, the right thing, to be doing, and it doesn’t have to be permanent, i could come back in months if i really wanted to – but that doesn’t make it really all that easier. and in fact, the coward in me wishes i had no choice, that it was up to someone else.

i could go on, but poor you. it’ll be fine. i’ll be fine. what’s the big deal, right? right. everything will be great. ha! ok, sarcasm down, and here’s two pics to make this all a bit more palatable. it’s yarn i handpainted this weekend with natural dyes (a bit of an abrupt switch, huh) – pretty though, no?

hope your monday is not kicking your butt.

p.s. i found two – two! – holes in my madli’s shawl. it’s still all folded up from the discovery moment, i can’t bear to pull it out and figure what happened. not today at least. i feel like scarlett o’hara, but maybe tomorrow, yes, tomorrow i’ll face it. ugh.

p.s. again. posts i owe: a book meme, ~~urban aran pics and write up~~, natural dye workshops #2 and #3, and ~~a tonnnn of links~~.

comment [10]

posted 16 October 06 & filed under cranky, dyeing, leaving l.a.

a simple breakfast

happy july ~ my computer has crashed ~~five~~ six times today, so i’m going to make it quick. liz has extended the idea of the ‘eat local challenge’ month to dedicating one meal a week to be just local food throughout the summer. of course, i signed up – and you can too, it’s never too late. i just barely made this week’s deadline, with a simple hearty breakfast yesterday morning-ish. everything was local except for the bread and feta. though both were locally made, i doubt the ingredients were local; also, the salt, pepper and olive oil weren’t local. there was a bunch more strawberries before the pictures were taken – they were just too good, i just kept thinking ‘ohhh, just one more..’ ;) what you see here: a minimalist bruschetta, roasted peppers, fluffy omelet, some herbed feta, and three delicious fruits to choose from.

this week has been crazy – the biggest news is that i sold my car on thursday. that orange box next to my meal is an old collection of bus maps i have from several years back when i was riding the buses all the time – a great way to get to know a city fairly well. so, back on the bus i go. i’ve been taking the bus pretty often these past four weeks or so, but now that’s the only option. i’m happy about it and it does feel rather freeing, but i had a lot of nice memories in that car – lots of singing, laughing – and it feels like the first big step towards leaving california. sorry if i seem to always go on about moving, but i’ve been here six years and i never once moved growing up, plus i have a real life here that in some ways i just love, so yeah, it’s a real big deal that i keep wondering and muttering and sighing about.

it’s hotter than i can take with no a/c, so i busted out the fan and am drinking a ton of water. no knitting, no spinning, but it’ll come around soon enough. mostly reading, walking a lot, and thinking hard. some dancing around my apartment too. bye for now ~

p.s. trouble’s such a weirdo – she loves feta! and peanut butter and tomato sauce. i wetted her and mama cat down today several time – their fur was all punked out looking, especially trouble’s. then, with all that water on her, she got to feeling all frisky, started whipping her tail around, and looking like she wanted to race me around the apartment. my cats keep me sane.

comment [6]

posted 2 July 06 & filed under hungry, leaving l.a.

twiddling my thumbs

hi there ~ once again, in a bit of a limbo. mostly because my portfolio presentation and defense is this friday at 4 pm (think good thought for me!) – i plan on serving a lot of caffeine and, i’m thinking, some good pizza. anything to keep my panel awake, interested, and benevolent during this horrible timeslot. there’s not much i can really do at this point to prepare, except for a few cosmetic changes to my presentation. i’m mostly trying not to pace too much, to get as much sleep as possible, and turn the music on for a good half hour each day to just shake the willies out.

the limbo is all the more enhanced since, as of today, madli’s shawl is done! currently blocking, it took a little over a month to do. more info, and finished pics, later, but for now, know this: however lovely the shawl is, grafting laceweight truly bites. anyhow, the king is dead, long live the king, right? wrong. my yarn-destined-to-be-an-urban-aran is lost somewhere and i have to wait until tomorrow until elann will ship out a replacement. of course, the color i wanted- and ordered!- is now unavailable, so i’ll have to pick another color. sigh. my hands are just itching to do something.

some drama: this morning, whilst grafting and muttering the grafter’s mantra (i.e. “knit, purl, purl, knit”), a gorgeous tree across the street was cut down branch by branch. i loved that tree – it was just a sweet reminder of nature on this otherwise busy and noisy street. the leaves shimmied and glistened in the sunlight, created the nice dappled shadows you’ve ever seen, and made many a bird fell happy and safe. so sad. i guess it was cut down since it was blocking the “for rent” sigh? ay. i had to take pictures documenting its death and with each creak and crash, i just kept thinking “i’m so ready to leave los angeles.” (maybe that’s contributing to the limbo-feeling as well..) slightly exagerrated, i know, but i hate the way nature is treated here, what little that is allowed to grow freely through the cracks in the cement and beyond the reach of the spinklers and lawnmowers of the wealthy. ugh. anyhow, i loved you tree and will never forget the many happy days and nights i spent with your silhouette in my window.

here’s a really good article – Welcome to ‘Whole-Mart’
Rotten Apples in the Social Responsibility Industry. i think i’ll be avoiding whole foods from now on. [via cauldron ridge]

A closer look at the company’s business practices and [CEO] Mackey’s ideas about business and society reveals a vision not that different from a McDonald’s or a Wal-Mart….This is a vision of mega-chain retailing that involves strategic swallowing up (or driving out of business) of smaller retail competitors. It is a business model that objectively complements the long-term industrialization of organics (that is, large-scale corporate farms) over small family farms. It is also a vision in which concerns about social responsibility do not necessarily apply where less publicly visible company suppliers are concerned.”

lastly, want to know more about this net neutrality thing people are posting/talking/writing about? here’s a good little 3 minute video. then, go sign the petition, wontcha ya?

eat local-wise, made some leek and potato soup last night, yum. even put together a little fruit salad, a rarity for me, and am considering for dinner some nice marinated beets, carrot salad with raisins, and a baked sweet potato. yup, lots of color.

still bummed about the tree,
andrea

comment [9]

posted 16 May 06 & filed under leaving l.a., madlis shawl

long time

i didn’t mean to hibernate as long as i did, and in reality it was a hard-working hibernation, not the sweet sleeping that the groundhog is doing in the previous post, but now i think i’m ready to pop up and say hello again. hi!

just a few catch-up things:

my project spectrum card arrived a while back and is fabulous – as you can see. thanks jennifer! here’s hoping mine has arrived by now in good condition – i’m worried it may have gotten lost in the mail..

my week in maryland was great but, as my brother just agreed, the length of it “pretty much sucked” :( – six days is never enough, and in this case, three of those days were filled with conference-attending. this meant there was a whole bunch of stuff i didn’t get to do – including just chilling out, cooking, meeting up with some great people, driving around & enjoy maryland, etc – so the night before i left i was downright pissed off at myself and cranky as all. ah well.

the conference, however, rocked. a day or so before i left, i started a library blog, which i intend to keep up, and officially blogged the conference, which is a great great way to meet and socialize with other conference attendees/bloggers. i’m so glad i went and i’m really looking forward to internet librarian this fall in monterey – barring any weirdness, i totally intend to go. very fun.

i’ve been spinning – and how! – and i also stained my wheel a natural color, i.e. no real stain at all. however, even though i agree logically that darker stains might obscure a little the detail of the wheel, as kitty kitty put it, the darker stains do make the wheel look more “rumpilstiltskin”-y. so! dark i go. let’s hope i don’t regret it ;)

knitting has also been happening. first, just for fun, to see what it looks like, a bit of my first handspun on the minstral, and then, yes, that’s a finished and blocking fair isle bag. yay! and just in time – mj’s norwegian knitalong ends this week and i’m determined to have it seamed, lined, and finished by thursday. i’m pretty happy with my fair isle techniquie, though i’ve steam blocked it like there’s no tomorrow, which helped a lot with odd tensions and such.

and that’s it. in ten weeks i graduate with a masters in library and information studies. in six or seven months, i’m moving somewhere. lots of changes coming – and i have a very bad habit of falling apart and freaking out when change approaches, particularly graduations. as much as possible, i just want to conclude this bit here with as much grace as possible. for now, fiber, books, music, and my cats are keeping me sane.

hope your weekend was beautiful ~
andrea

comment [7]

posted 2 April 06 & filed under fair isle bag, leaving l.a.

missing l.a.

for years now, i’ve been planning on leaving l.a. once i get my masters, and move somewhere closer to my family in maryland. not to maryland – i’ve never wanted to live in maryland, every since i was pretty young, don’t know why – but somewhere close-ish so i could drive or fly there for weekend get-togethers, birthdays, school plays, and the everyday things like that. however, as the date gets nearer – graduation will be in mid-june and i imagine i’ll leave by autum at the latest – it gets harder to really start planning on leaving l.a., not being here in this city that i never gave a thought to, never thinking i’d live in at all, much less almost six years now.

i’ve been such a hermit, in some ways, since starting school – on the weekends, given choice, i usually prefer to putter around my kitchen or sit and read and nap. so it’s kinda funny to realize i’d miss the city itself. new yorkers are famous for being really loyal to their city, talking about the rhythm of it as if it were alive. being the country girl, i always scoffed and thought cities were convenient but superficial and all kinds of other snobby thoughts. .. anyhow, i’ll miss l.a., it’s rhythm, the atmosphere, the familiar look and feel of it, totally unique and un-mistakable.

so, in an effort to come to grips and really get a hold on what i plan to do – i’m a master at escapism! – i’m stealing an idea from heidi and starting a ‘things i like/don’t like about l.a.’ list. once i figure out where i’m going, i’ll post a similar list for wherever that may be.

sheesh, i sound so moody. don’t worry, i’ve just been feeling all emotional the last few days – stupid commericals get me teary, and all that junk. it’s all good though, everyone should have a nice cry now and then, nothing wrong with that.

these lists aren’t in order by priority or anything, and please, if you know l.a., add your own in the comments, i’m sure i’ll forget things.

first off: i’ll miss these trees. don’t know what they’re called but the minute i saw them it was love at first sight (i’m a believer!). the booklover in me immediately sees paper and gasps, the russian major sees a type of birch and sighs happily, and the fantasy fan sees a tree whose bark feels like very soft cork and is delighted. hmm, that last bit might seem weird. ;) (though i can’t say i’ve quite given up on the idea of dryads, either.) anyhow, i love love these trees. there’s a row of them on my walk to class and i always give them an affectionate pat as i walk by.

also, just because i’m proud, here’s a pic of some bread i made – last week’s banana bread, that’s still quite fresh and delish for breakfast (yes, i’m eating breakfast, chicas!) and then two loaves of heavenly lemony bread. made with cottage cheese, they’re light yet satisfying. though they could’ve risen a tad bit more, i’m ever so proud of them. they’re also given affectionate pats whenever i walk by. ha!

happy monday ~

p.s. by the way, have you heard about whipup? looks good so far, though somewhat mysterious too. nice combo, there. [via soule mama]

comment [14]

posted 30 January 06 & filed under hungry, leaving l.a.

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