scattiness abounds

27 Feb 2007 in journal

i’ve been all over the place lately – and i don’t mean traveling so much as moods and interests. it’s always been a wide spectrum, but this past twelve months has seen an all-time record high. i’m not going to write about the moods right now.. they’re not interesting to probably anyone besides me, and they even bore me a lot of the time! besides, it’s my birthday in five days, i’ll be 30!, and i don’t want to look back and think “oh i was going through one of those freaking-out-i’m thirty phases, that’s what that was.” i’m not sure what this is that i’m going through, but i’m hoping for some originality at least. and i’m pretty sure it’s not connected to fear of mortality or wrinkles or that kind of stuff.

interests though! well. they’re off the chart random. like beekeeping.
and letterpress. i usually love that randomness, but it’s been worrying me a bit lately.

my mom is an artist and i remember her telling me about a criticism another artist made of her work a while back, saying that my mom needed to stick to just one medium and really delve into it, rather than trying out new ones all the time. that idea stuck with me – particularly the small-mindedness of it, as i saw it at least. for years now, i’ve thought and said, there’s too much in the world that’s interesting and that i want to learn – why limit myself? there’s some people who want to concentrate on one main thing in their lives, one passion – i say go for it. but i think there’s a lot of other people who are too curious to concentrate like that. being in my twenties, it felt all the more true. i’d think, well if i’m closing myself off now to hunker down and concentrate on one interest, what will i be like when i’m forty? or sixty?

now though.. well recently, i’ve been worrying sometimes that this is just an excuse for flighty ones like me to not get serious about anything, to not have real understanding and/or opinions about anything (“i don’t know – i’m a beginner..”) i can mostly dismiss this idea, but sometimes i can’t. it’s somewhat cute to be all random-tangents when you’re twenty, but when you’re thirty and forty and fifty.. well, then it’s a little.. what, sad? right?

i embraced the scattiness of my personality a long time ago – and i love it even!, but i guess the real question here is, with there being only a finite amount of time and energy in a person’s life, is it better to get serious at some point about a particular interest? how does one choose that? how did you? can you force yourself? do you even want to do that? or is society, and that critic, wrong?

..ah, it just feels wrong. maybe i have committment issues. ha! am i just the happy-go-lucky girl who doesn’t want to stop flirting with the town hunks, so to speak, and settle down to raise kids with a respectable boy? .. this whole post may seem silly, and definitely a bit loosey-goosey writing-wise, but i really want to know what you think.

oh, here’s some pics of my bedroom to hopefully keep you from keeling over with boredom at my navel-gazing. i’m off with trouble to the vet to make sure her peeing ways don’t mean an infection. hope your tuesday has been fulfilling ~ ~