toes
i took ballet lessons when i was a little girl, just fun lessons where we’d wear tutus and jump over our shoes. (though i remember i hated how my mom had to put my hair up in a tight bun for every class. she’d comb and pull and pin and fuss with my hair, and i was just a wild hair girl even back then, and wanted it all Left. Alone. thankyouverymuch.) one class we were all sitting on our knees, and the teacher, mrs. cox, said, “oh you girls are all sooo lucky, you’re at your most flexible right now and see? i can’t even sit on my knees without it hurting.” i remember feeling sorry for old people (ha, she was like in her mid-forties, max) and generally smug about being young and new. then she had us sit and reach for our toes and all the little girls in the class – including my best friend jennie – reached .. and touched their toes, some even grabbing their feet and laying their heads on their knees. me? my ankles were as close as i could get, with my head barely bowed and frustratingly far away from my knees. i was embarrassed and kinda shocked, but that was just the beginning of a long line of me thinking ach, athleticism is just not for me.
it’s been a really tough ten weeks – with little bits of much happiness, like luci’s wedding (!) – including, especially, our outdoor house cat of eleven+ years, skippy dying all of a sudden, of what no one could tell me, and all while i was here home alone and had to bury her and then was asked to unbury her by the health dept, oh i don’t even want to get into how low people can be – …. but one little lining that’s almost silver has been the new routine of trying to move and stretch my body a little every day. and now:
and because i couldn’t help it, some cat pictures. mamacat staring at me, then the cat food, that sly girl. and trouble, my thinker, makes me sigh with love. i just want to sleep for days with them hugging the sides of me.
fall is almost here in maryland ~ the crisp night air is becoming chilly, not welcoming from the heat. i don’t mind, bring on the fall.
knitting? just a little..
my sister’s wedding shawl. almost done! good thing too, since she’s getting married october 4th. .. i’m running out the door with my mom, and then babysitting the nieces and nephew tonight, but i’ll try and get a better picture up soon.
happy weekend to you all. it’s a beautiful end-of-summer day here in maryland, hope it’s equally nice where you are ~ ~
long overdue
~ bolivia’s president evo morales is under a lot of pressure from those who previously held all the power in bolivia and are pretty unhappy that he’s leading a movement of the indigenous majority to take control of bolivia’s future. they keep trying to kick him out or undermine him or etc etc. it’s ridiculous. he’s a great president and one that bolivia’s needed so badly. i was very proud when he was elected president three years ago and i still am today. go evo! [for more info on him, start with these maybe: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]
~ after six years, this is still my favorite color helper for website work
~ a few weeks ago, i watched a lot of tv on hulu.. it’s free, though there’s 15 second ads now and then, but there’s not only tv shows like arrested development (all three seasons!), there’s movies like the fifth element and fever pitch. great for knitting ;)
~ this documentary, a classroom divided is pretty amazing, about race in the u.s. and an experiment a teacher started with her students in 1968. check it out.
~ i bought a new bike! and have been biking at least three times a week for the past few weeks, yay. my favorite place to bike? the c & o canal.. now i just need to print out the handy map they provide and tape it to my bike. hooray for cruisers and beautiful late summer weather.
~ papercdcase.com will make a nice little paper holder for your cds, perfect for sending off those mix cds to friends, or for yourself. free.
~ simon’s cat shows what every cat person knows all too well .. you dog people have it eaaaasy. ;)
~ the other day, i cleaned up my itunes library – so many of the songs had little exclamation marks before them, indicating dead files, it was getting frustrating. i knew i had almost all of the songs on my backup, so using this handly little applescript, the problem is now fixed, with only a dozen songs still missing. (i’ll find them!)
~ .. and for those that get a little frustrated generally with itunes, check out the above website for more scripts. i especially like: List MIAs, Make Bookmarkable, Export Smart List Criteria. one warning though, it’s only for macs. sorry pc users!
~ as i bike along, i start thinking big thoughts, like oh maybe i’ll start that 100 pushups program. imagine! 100 consecutive pushups. too cool.
~ i love the newest firefox. have you updated? i especially love that i can type in the url box just the title of something i looked at before, or the parts of the url that i remember – not necessarily in order – and firefox will pull up the page using my browser history. it’s awesome. and some of the add-ons and extensions are super great, especially taboo, which makes bookmarking easy-peasy and super visual, and
download helper, which i use save copies of my favorite youtube videos.
~ these three knits have caught my eye: fresco vest from classic elite yarn, this cardgigan makes me think of my (award-winning, ha! ;) handspun jacob yarn, and last but not least, little birds is a sweet knit that i’m just itching to knit. but i’m just about done with shawl #2 and i still have shawl #3 to do plus eight (!) wips waiting for me. there’s just too much to knit! .. oh and the colors of these knits are great, aren’t they?
~ did you hear about the librarian who got kicked out of a mccain rally in denver because she was holding a sign that said ‘mccain = bush’. !
~ there’s just a few albums i consider practically perfect, and stereolab’s dots and loops is one of them. this song, from that album, is paired with a stan brakhage film, and it’s just beautiful and hypnotic. love those backup singers.
~ nutrition data is a handy website that has exhaustive information on food. like say you want to find what food out there has the highest amound of vitamin b12 in it that’s vegetarian-friendly? look here – and yeah, you can set up an account and set preferences so that, for example, braised moose liver doesn’t even show up for a veggie diet. ha. anyhow, it’s a useful site.
~ look at these amazing cloud pictures – - lately i’ve been watching clouds overhead roll by and it just pulls you in. but if the clouds had looked anything like these, it would have not only pulled me in but knocked me over. [via twoswallows]
thanks again for the all the comments and emails ~ it’s been a really difficult year and summer especially. i can’t imagine this is something anyone ever really gets over, but good friends help to make one feel less freaked out. today is my dad’s birthday ~ he would have been sixty-three. it’s a special day for all of us here in the hull family, so i’m hoping that all you nice people have a little of that special-ness rub off onto your own day. as for me, i’m finally working regularly again, and being in a library doing the job i love is one my dad would be happy to see on his birthday. take care ~ ~
comment [6]
{ posted 45 days ago, under poppy & lots of links }
i can hear a storm approaching*
(*ominous title, but i mean it literally. and it thrills me, of course. yay rain.)
what’s become normal now is for me to think, “oh but poppy is..” and then my brain just skips. stops right there and literally, a little hop and i move on. and that feels right and necessary. but then other times, it’s the opposite – it’s almost like an indulgence, a pleasure, to force myself to think that he is gone. it’s like i know it will cause pain, but i kinda need that pain, because at least that will stop me from feeling, for a bit at least, this frustrating anxious explosive feeling that keeps building up in me each day, that makes me become a leg shaker while sitting, a tight-mouthed and perpetually clenched body andrea.
still, compared to the last ten months, this past almost-month has been good. good! can you believe that. there’s been more crying and face-crumpling then almost at any point in my life, but still it’s been good. i think a crucial part of that has been the brain skips. i keep expecting my dad to walk in, like normal, and then stop in his tracks and say, ‘whaaat? i’m dead?! uhh, i don’t think so!” another crucial part has been the babies – can i just say again how much i love being an aunt? they and the cats have saved me countless times from just drowning in the sadness of minutes passing.
it’s just a mix of ups and downs. it really is. and i’m not trying to make sense of it all (though i am organizing my thoughts a tad with this post). and partially that’s because underneath, and not even that far under, i’m really really angry. that also explodes out at random moments, and has forced me to breathe deeply and concentrate whenever i get in a car, in fear that a stupid driver will provide some easy channel for my rage.
but with all that said, today i’m happy. it’s amazing how the body and brain and heart and all that can hold so many things, so many feelings. but this is the best part: i love. i’m loved.
sorry, still puttering around on this here website. but i had to write this. ~ thanks for all your sweet email and comments. it really helped me, you all are good friends.
excuse the mess
i’m puttering around here. more soon. thanks ~